


song of mordred

by Anonymous



Category: Arthurian Mythology, Arthurian Mythology & Related Fandoms
Genre: Catholicism, Modern AU, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: mordred and galahad meet in an achilles/patroclus discord server.
Relationships: Galahad/Mordred (Arthurian)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5
Collections: Anonymous, anon





	song of mordred

**hieronymus bosch**

okay everyone welcome to the patrochilles tower server!

can i get introductions :3

**patrochillesrox**

First x3 haii im perceval my favorite character is patroclus (😍😍) and I love gay bible stories 💖💖💖💖

**hieronymus bosch**

im hectorslut359 on tumblr<3

**mordred**

hi im mordred lol. im 17 but im almost 18 so i can talk about porn in like two months. i dont have a tumblr i just have discord for gaming

**patrochillesrox**

My tumblr is p4tr0ch1ll35r0x (patrochillesrox was taken)

**mordred**

wow are you a homestuck

lol

thats funny

**fuckman69**

second first <3 im Lionel

**patrochillesrox**

Whats homestuck x3

**mordred**

Lmao

**fuckman69**

i love homestuck!

**mordred**

Lol

**hieronymus bosch**

anyway my name is bors

**fuckman69**

nice to meet you

**mordred**

oh, your username, like the painter?

i love classical art

**hieronymus bosch**

no like from fate

**mordred**

r u a weeb

**fuckman69**

i didnt know he was a painter haha

**patrochillesrox**

X3 isnt that the dude who painted jesuses foot

**fuckman69**

O.o

**hieronymus bosch**

no we would enver

**patrochillesrox**

He touches adams foot with his own :flushed: itz kinda cringe

**hieronymus bosch**

nooo hes a sexy anime boy

**fuckman69**

aw thats cute though

**hieronymus bosch**

like mordred

**mordred**

i just know he painted the sick ass fuck demons

**fuckman69**

thats like. patrochilles a little if you think abotu it

**hieronymus bosch**

wow

it is

**fuckman69**

jesus and adam touching feet

**mordred**

ya i think achilles would love hieronymous bosch the painter

**hieronymus bosch**

oh totally

**patrochillesrox**

💖💖💖💖ur SO right ... bible au X3

**fuckman69**

i rp as achilles sometimes ill take it into consideration

bible au!!!

**hieronymus bosch**

its all about how catholicism is so bad and icky

ahh bible au!

**patrochillesrox**

XD

**mordred**

lol can we not woobify the bible please

**fuckman69**

ive never read the bible whats the plot

**mordred**

its homophobic shit

**fuckman69**

oh damn :/ im not homophobic sorry i take back the bible au

**hieronymus bosch**

yeah page one of the bible says oppress gay people and theres only one page actually

**fuckman69**

what?????

thats crazy

**patrochillesrox**

Uhmm

**fuckman69**

>:(((

**mordred**

i dont know ur names can u guys like change ur nicknames like normal people

**fuckman69**

oh yeah sorry lol

**hieronymus bosch**

oh of course im so sorry

**perceval**

The bible isn't evil I think u dont Get it o-o

**Bors**

there <3

**lionel**

here is this okay?

**mordred**

i went to sunday school it sucked shit and i extrapolate that experience out to patroclus

**lionel**

uhm >:( homophobia isnt evil?

**mordred**

lol mods can you kick him

**Bors**

yeah hold on

okay hes gone

hes gone

**mordred**

thank u

im really glad u made a patrochilles server, bors

i was on another server and they had a channel for patrochilles but there were other weird ships there too

**Bors**

oh of course :) the tumblr tag is swarmed with odysseus/diomedes

**elaine**

hi hi! im elaine (astolat), i dont have a tumblr but i do have a youtube (mythswithelaine) where i talk about books! How are you guys?

**Bors**

great! we had to ban someone but now everything is good

**mordred**

Wait people are into odysseus/diomedes

**Bors**

oh let me pin intros

oh my god

mordred theyre such freaks

**Bors** **pinned a message to this channel.**

**elaine**

oh those oddyseus/diomedes shippers

**Bors**

yeah

like oh my god

its so messed up

**Bors**

they LITERALLY committed war crimes together

**elaine**

i know its so weird

**mordred**

this is an anti-christian server right

**elaine**

its so toxic!

**Bors**

it is

**gal**

oh hi!! im late sorry! im galahad im 16 i kin patroclus

**Bors pinned a message to this channel.**

**mordred**

Lol kinnie? For real?

Lmao he left the server

Kinnies are weird

One of my fave video games had kinnies who went really overboard

**gal**

heheh im back

**mordred**

galahad? Lmao

**gal**

oh five nights at frieddies?

**mordred**

What

**gal**

the game with kinnies

**mordred**

Is that a movie? I dont watch movies they appeal to a common demographic

Oh

No I was talking about final fantasy 7

**gal**

i think i played that like ages ago when i was 14

**mordred**

Lol wasnt that like 4 years ago

**gal**

no two im 16

**mordred**

Wow baby

What are you doing in a achilles/patroclus server

Dont you know we love evul gay sexz

**gal**

hey i love gay sexz too dont infantilize minors thats like,, worse than shipping incest

**mordred**

Sry lmao

I found this server on 4chan and I forgot how sensitive tumblrinas are

**gal**

4chan? what are you a brony

**mordred**

No I'm a coder

**gal**

oh

can you buy drugs on the dark web

**mordred**

I could if I wanted to

I'll be 18 in two months

**gal**

oh and drugs are legal after 18? thats so cool

**mordred**

I mean they're not legal but they're less illegal

**gal**

oh

well in that case i dont think the catholic church disapproves

**mordred**

What lol

Are you a Christian

**gal**

Ofc

**mordred**

Lol I put up with enough homophobes on 4chan I didnt think I'd find them on a patrochilles server

**gal**

im not homophobic im gay

**mordred**

I'm starting to understand why you kin patroclus

Prude

**gal**

thats so rude of you mordred

**mordred**

Lol sorry

I bully people to make friends dont take it personally

**gal**

you grow older than 17 and suddently you think yourve got this like horse thats big or whatever

oh:)

**mordred**

I'm not 18 yet

**gal**

do u want to be friends?

**mordred**

Yeah sure lol

**gal**

nice

anyways what are your thoughts on the new pope?

**mordred**

Lol I dont endorse catholicism

**gal**

well then im sorry but at some point our friendship must end because youre definitely going to h*ll

**mordred**

Oh wow it only took like 10 minutes for the discrimination to start

**gal**

i dont mean this in an offensive way its just a fact

**mordred**

@mods help help I'm being repressed

**gal**

im not repressing you, i dont think youre any less valid for it, its just a fact

**mordred**

Oh that's very nice of you

**gal**

havent u watched the video "the bible in 15 minutes" by xXx_joarimathea_xXx?

**mordred**

Yeah and I think the extended bible universe is better than the source material tbh

It's a lot spicier

**gal**

like dante or like milton?

because milton is a s*tan apologist and i simply cannot condone that

**mordred**

I like them both but dante was really repressed

Ya sorry I do condone that

**gal**

how can you?? hes evil incarnate!! are you saying you condone evil???

thats like condoning my father which is a crime

hes a convicted felon fyi

**mordred**

Woah

Really?

That's cool

**gal**

Yeah

**mordred**

Damn

**gal**

not really

hes the worst

he sucks so much

**mordred**

Yeah same with my dad

**gal**

oh!! father bashing buddies!!!

**mordred**

Lol

))

**gal**

what has yours done, if its not too private of a question to ask?

**mordred**

Oh he tried to kill me when I was a kid

**gal**

oh man thats so rude and completely uncalled for im so sorry<3

mine cheated on my mom

i think

im pretty sure he did

this dude i know says he did

anyways hes lustful and sinful and i cannot approve of that

**mordred**

Sounds cool to me

**gal**

he stole a jar of soup from a tesco once

its the opposite of cool!!!

**mordred**

That's lame

**gal**

yeah

so lame

**notgawain(stopasking)**

wow y'all are freaks adsfgjhgykhulij

**gal**

i once saw him wear those weird sailor shirts unironically

thats offensive

**notgawain(stopasking)**

deep breaths buddy

**mordred**

HOW AM I A FREAK JUST BECAUSE MY FATHER TRIED TO KILL ME AS A BABY????

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

**gal**

the only freaks are those that do not see the light of the Lord

**mordred**

YOURE JUST LIKE ALL MY FATHERS CRONIES

**gal**

he has cronies???

i dont know what those are im from monza but they sound awful

**mordred**

He runs a shitty private protection agency dont worry about it

**gal**

oh that sucks!

**mordred**

Ya

**gal**

did you know that violence is a sin

my friends uncle is one of the popes guards i can have him arrested for sinning

**mordred**

O gal stop me from sinning against discord user  **@notgawain(stopasking)**

**gal**

repeat with me

ave maria

**mordred**

Wait

Take your ave marias and shove them up your ass

Did you say

That your friends uncle is one of the popes guards?

**gal**

thats a sin too

Yea

**mordred**

...

That's what my dads protection corporation does

**gal**

your dads corporation protects the pope?

**mordred**

Yeah thats why I hate catholicism

**gal**

hold on im having a moral dilemma i have to ave maria gratia plena dominus tecum benedicdtrytfuygiuihojpokèerstrdytfuygiuihojpokèp+lèòù+

**mordred**

what language was that

that was cool

**gal**

thank u its latin wanna try?

**mordred**

yeah

what do i say

**gal**

say ego amo mentula

i swaer this is not a trick nor a rude word

**mordred**

ego amo mentula

**gal**

thats the only sin i condone good for u

**mordred**

what did i say

**gal**

i love dick

i learned it reading 1st century before jesus christ poet catullus

he would have definitely gone to hell but lucky for him limbo is a thing

**mordred**

lol well i didnt lie so i havent sinned

**gal**

good

i dont support the pope because he doesnt condone gay sex and he condones my father

**mordred**

yuck

good for you

**gal**

yeah

and he employs your father

**mordred**

ya

i hate my father

**gal**

me too i think

wait whats his name i think my father knows an attempted child muderer

**mordred**

whoa holy fuck are you serious?

i dont want to say his name on a public server

i'll dm it to you

**mordred**

Okay

**gal**

oh shit yeah thats my dads friend

**mordred**

shit

he thinks hes so pure and high and mighty

wish there was a way to show he isnt shit

**gal**

he plays poker

gambliing is a sin

also my dad beat him

**mordred**

yeah but its a sexy one

Oh

losing isn’t cool

**gal**

and neither is sinning

**guinevere**

what if u kill him. 

**mordred**

Me?

maybe

**mordred**

sinning is pretty cool

Wait

**gal**

it really isnt

**mordred**

gal i need your help

you have pope connections

what if

say

what if i knew my dad's girlfriend was cheating on him

with some dipshit pope security guard from occitania

**gal**

WHAT THE FUCK SO HE IS CHEATING ON MY MOTHER

**mordred**

what?

who?

my dad?

**gal**

my dads from occitania

**mordred**

WHAT,

**gal**

yeah hes a pope security guard but i only mentioned my friends because my dad sucks

**mordred**

WHAT THE FUCK?

you have friends????

**gal**

he also doubles as electrician but he's bad at it i think he caused several fires

yeah like 2

**mordred**

oh that's more than me thats cool

**gal**

hey u have me!!

**mordred**

oh

thats... that's really sweet gal

Anyway

**gal**

<3

**mordred**

you have connections

i have dirt

all we need is a way to show they're all shitty

**gal**

>:3

we could send an email to the pope

**mordred**

lol what

**gal**

but i can only borrow you the official vatican email account to catfish the pope i cant lie because its a sin

**mordred**

you sound like my brother

he keeps suggesting we look for this shitty mood ring cup

**gal**

that sounds promising

is it catholic

**mordred**

ya i think so

idk he says its in turin wherever that is

**gal**

he might be onto something

**mordred**

hes obsessed with italy cause he went to boarding school in rome

**gal**

oh thats 2 hours away from where i live

torino not rome

**mordred**

Woah

**gal**

and maybe if we attach to the email a photo of the cup the pope will take us seriously

**mordred**

seriously?

Yeah

**gal**

Yeah!

**mordred**

if no one else has found it....

while youre doing that i'll look for evidence that my dad's wife is cheating on him with your dad

my brother (a different one) will probably help me with that

**gal**

thats perfect!!

ill get a train as soon as i can

**mordred**

thats awesome

gal i'll see you soon

dont die on your fancy quest

**gal**

see you soon!! the evil (shitty dads) will be defeated

**mordred**

ill defeat my dad even if i die trying

**gal**

i cant die im too morally pure god wouldnt do that to me

me too

**mordred**

lets check back in in a week and give a status report, deal?

**gal**

Deal

\----

**mordred**

alright

status report, gal

gal?

gal

gal

gal

gal

gal?

oh nice. ghosting me

real classy

gal

okay i'll check back in tomorrow

**mordred**

gal are you back now

gal?

im gonna make a mean post about you on 4chan

i'll do it

i really will

everyone will hate you

gal?

are you... alright?

@mods can you guys see if someone has been active on discord recently?

**Bors**

yeah im checking now

**mordred**

thanks i know its dumb

but he said he would check in

i thought we were friends

**Bors**

it looks like he hasnt been active in several days

**gal**

Ηι

**Bors**

WOAH

**gal**

ιμ ιν ηεαωεν

σορρυ αβτ τηε κυπ

**mordred**

oh

someone must have hacked him

hold on i know coding

**gal**

ι ακκιδενταλλι τοοκ ιτ ωιτη με

**mordred**

update: discord is hard to reverse hack actually

lemme try google translate

**Bors**

good thing you are a coder

**mordred**

okay google translate doesnt work

this must be some asshole who stole his account and is pranking me

**gal**

no

ιτσ με

ιμ δεαδ

**mordred**

hey is it

is it just me or does that kinda look like it spells out "im dead?"

**gal**

ι δυγ α ηολε ιν πιαζζα ωιττοριο ανδ ι φοθνδ τηε κυπ

**mordred**

i cant read that asshole

whoever the fuck you are

**gal**

βθτ τηεν ι διεδ ανδ λεωιτατεδ ιντο ηεαωεν ωιτη τηε ψθπ

**mordred**

youre not gal

fuck off

fuck you

fuck you

is he alright????

**gal**

ιμ δεαδ

**mordred**

what did you do to him?

I KNOW YOURE SAYING HES DEAD

THAT CANT BE TRUE

SHUT UP

FUCK YOU

**gal**

ι ψαντ σπεακ μυκη λονγερ

**mordred**

I DONT READ GREEEK

gal would

he would know what you were saying

you sorry pathetic excuse for a decent human being

if he got hurt just tell me

**gal**

ιτσ με

**mordred**

you dont have to toy with me

**gal**

Ι ΣΩΕΑΡ

**mordred**

y

you're not joking?

he's dead?

galahad is dead?

i

ive got to go

@mods i need you to delete my messages from this server once i go

if gal is dead

**gal**

ego sum gal

mortuus sum

**mordred**

then the least thing i can do

is expose his father for the cheating scum he is

i'll get gal revenge if its the last thing i do

Bye

**gal**

gratiae rendo tibi

**mordred**

mordred out


End file.
